dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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