I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize