turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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