I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
