Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
