i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
