I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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