I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
