So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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