were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
