shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
