Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
