hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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