i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
