put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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