It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
