y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
