was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
