So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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