he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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