Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
