Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
