I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
