Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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