this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
