My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
