My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
