im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
