I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
