bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
