At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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