I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
