Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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