Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
