Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
be right there i have to get my cape
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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