I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
