here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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