please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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