I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
