found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
