I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
