this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
