just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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