If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
