i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
