Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Someone signed my nipple.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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