Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
