What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i've created a new STD.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
