2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
