Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize