kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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