Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
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if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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