I need help removing her.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
