Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
