My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
