my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
