What did we do last night that was yellow?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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