I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
