the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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