I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
