Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
