True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
