My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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